Back that ass up.

I've been remiss in my blogging but frankly my dears, I don't give a damn.
Le Swoon, Rhett. Le Swoon.

Anyway, we had book club at Mike's back in early February.
The book was My Age of Anxiety.
I didn't read it, hell I didn't even buy it... all the lack luster feelings. Club itself was nice, fun, cozy, tasty, etc.
As for the book...
...

Mark and I hosted back in early March and had the first ever CPBC Brunch which I would categorize as a resounding success.
The quiche, the cheesy taters, the coffee cake muffins.
Pregnant Lady Makes Brunch - sounds like a web series I could get behind.
We read the Maze Runner. I liked it but clearly not as much as I like food right now since I had to go back and edit the post to even include the book we read. Oops. There is a movie coming out this year and sequel and prequel books. All things I am in support of. So far the movie doesn't look like crap so fingers crossed!


Up next we have CPBC in late April and we are reading The Telling Room: a tale of love betrayal, revenge and the world's greatest piece of cheese.
I was in with the word cheese quite frankly but so far it's an interesting book.
I can't tell if the author is intentionally trying to sound like kind of a douche with his overly flowery prose or if that's really and truly the way he writes.
Time will tell I guess. I am still in the early nostalgic part of the book so it might serve a literary purpose.

Anyway, apparently this upcoming shin dig will double as some kind of shower for our impending offspring.
Blush, blush. As much as I loathe being the center of attention, well... presents!
Anyway, not much else to report - first day of April and we have a blizzard goin' on out there.
Joke's on us. It always is Mother Nature, you don't have to keep reminding us. We get it.
I'm ready for 2nd Christmas, who's with me?

Hear ye, Hear ye: It's almost the new year... ye.

Oh Helllllooooooo!
Fun anecdote before we begin: Mark has been harassing me with Mrs. Doubtfire soundbites that he downloaded off the inter webs.
Why?
Why not?
So now every time I even think the word "hello" my brain goes with this:

Ahem.
Moving right along.
CPBC Holiday Book Exchange was excellent. Our fab hosts Michelle and Chris had a lovely spread for us, lots of Christmas cheer and of course, good books to exchange.
Hot items this year were the hot Sexy Book of Sex, Orange is the new Black, and The book of Yiddish Insults.
Always a treat to see what people come up with.
Bonus book: Teen Talks with God. I'm SO excited to read that one.
I don't remember all the others but people seemed to be content with their haul.

Other noteworthy events of the evening was the revelation that Modern furniture is apparently responsible for the majority of toe stubs, it was unanimously decided that we are all grateful that chicken breasts do not have nipples, and also resulted in Six Fish Nips, the greatest band name of all time.
Oh, we also had some cat greeting cards and holiday ornaments.
I will say that 2013 was awesome in that we had 8 book clubs and each was hosted by a different member.
Pretty amazing and wonderful to have found a fun and sassy group of book lovers to share the adventures with.
February will mark Year 4 - I hope you all are ready.
Love, hugs, and literary boners to you all as you embark on a new year.

PS I got $75 worth of B&N gift cards for X-mas...
That's like, nearly a thousand!
GAH!

What's the symbology there?

For Shame!
As the sanctioned scribe of the CPBC history, I am saddened at my lack of upkeep.
Not one but TWO CPBC's have come and gone since my last post.
We even have the third on the books!

Well, like sands through the hour glass...
time passes fast, what can ya do?

Recap:
October: Creepy Person's Book Club at Anna & Heidi's new place back in uptown. We read spooky stories and reminisced about Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark - one of the generation-defining books of our time, I would say. My personal fav - the girl with the green ribbon around her neck that kept her head from falling off.
Ah, the good ol' days.
We feasted upon tasty cheeses, crackers, dips, salad, lasagna. NOM.

Hop, skip, and a couple weeks down the road we had CPBC November at Shannon's place reading the ever addictive Hyperbole and a Half - the BOOK and eating tasty fajitas.
Long time blog favorite of many in the group, Allie finally put her hijinks into print form for the masses and the world was good again.
I personally prefer the blog, mainly just because it has been a friend of mine for so long. Some of her earlier posts, pre-illustrative fame are worth the read too. I especially like her non-sexual strip tease to an angry detractor, Kyle.
You shouldn't have said those mean things, Kyle!

Coming up, we have the 3rd Annual CPBC Holiday Book Exchange hosted by Michelle.
I am so excited!

In the meantime, for a literary snack, try this nugget in your feedbag:
The scene is 1963, and a young English student took it upon himself to write letters to some authors with serious street cred asking if this symbolism thing was all it was cracked up to be.
I love the idea behind it - as an English major and bibliophile myself, hearing straight from the horses mouth that sometimes, words are just words, and sometimes symbolism comes organically, and sometimes people just read a whole hell of a lot into things that aren't there... well it's a nice treat.
Happy Chrismukkuh!

Pugs know their etiquitte... I guess?

I'm always interested to see the recommendations on Amazon when I look for something specific.
For instance, the upcoming CPBC read is a scary treat sure to please boys and ghouls alike, Minnesota Hauntings: Ghost Stories from the Land of 10,000 Lakes by Ryan Jacobson.

I have it on order so we will see just how scary this shiz will be.
This is so my favorite time of year and can't wait for all the fun fall activities we've got cooking.

Anyway, back to my original thought, but the section at the bottom of the page that always tells you, "people who bought this also bought:" always kills me.
Like this:

I was all excited and thought that it was a pug's point of view on HUMAN etiquette.
Turns out it's just a lame ol' dog behavior book.

If anyone out there knows of a book of social niceties written from a dog's perspective - or any animal's really - you let me know.
Ya hear?

Alright, that is all.
Looking forward to a spooky CPBC with all you Creepy People.

And... Release

So everyone, we had an excellent and slightly disturbing CPBC on Sunday night courtesy of Libby and Loren and Gizmo to discuss Dad is Fat.
Nice little evening, with wine, cheese, snacks, tinfoil, and a living room straight out of Vintage-gasm Magazine.
I don't think that exists, but it should.

I think we all read at least some of the book. I thought it was funny, and an easy read. However, I have actually seen Mr. Gaffigan live and was disappointed to see much of his material (now nearly 2 years old) showcased in this book. I think the general group feeling was that we appreciated the honest nature of the book and the irony of 'that type' of person who would read it and then label him a child hater.
You cannot call a man with 5 children who are fed, bathed, housed, and from all appearances, still breathing, a child hater. Unless that is the type of person you are.
In that case, maybe you shouldn't be reading humor.
Like, ever.

While not entirely pertinent to the book, it did spawn some very interesting conversation and debates on 'kids these days,' the downward spiral that began with the Baby on Board stickers, the freewheeling willingness to dole out iPads and smart phones to pacify toddlers, and the question: "What ever happened to a good ol' fashioned babysitter?"
Louis CK made an epic appearance on Conan recently and discussed this very thing. People laugh, but I am actually totally moved by the sentiment here:

We didn't mention it during Club but it reminded me of this blog, which is at once hilarious, disgusting, and a pathetic commentary on our approach to parenting these days.
STFU Parents

Things took a turn for the weird when Michelle decided she wanted to make the world's most awkward work-out video doing Kegel Exercises:

Annnnd Release!

We starting Googling Kegel Weights and came across this image:

I don't know about you, but fisting to cure vaginal incontinence seems a bit extreme.

This led to a horrifying tale of a package (pun intended) gone awry with the inappropriate shipment Loren's boss had him send to Spain.

FYI - international shipping regulations do not recognize used dildos under the 'toy' category.

This got heated and resulted in the proclamation: You cannot continue to force me to have sex with animals!

Apparently the frequency of dolphins and rabbits in adult pleasure devices comes from a very real law in the great state of Texas wherein dildos cannot resemble a human phallus.

Yep, a LAW.

Michelle determined she would be the Harvey Milk of Texas' Dildo Law.

Watch for her campaign posters.

We finished on a high note discussing Shannon's parents' dogs and their ability to scale walls and barriers with ninja-like ability.

Testing the hypothesis that dogs hate tinfoil, Gizmo patiently and confusedly endured us wrapping various parts of his body in foil.

The tail was hilarious, you can bend it into the shape you want.

We left contented and eagerly awaiting the day when Gizmo loses it and finally bites Loren.

See the glory you miss when you don't come???

Coming up we have Spooky CPBC with Anna and Heidi, I'm eagerly awaiting the reveal of the winning book, and hopefully many many more inappropriate conversation topics.

Stay Literary,

Melizard out!

She's got Steve Buscemi Eyes

Wow you guys, just wow.
Last night was, I thought, pretty awesome. Despite the fact that no one could finish the book, I feel like a lot of people really wanted to. I know I definitely tried, and probably will continue to read.
Mark and I hosted and while "Mapping White Tail Bucks" was a close second, the voters spoke and we - for lack of a better word - read Guns, Germs, and Steel by Jared Diamond.

While interesting, I thought it was a little heavy on the academia vibe. Which is too bad because the content actually seemed pretty interesting, maybe just the guy's treatment of it was less than stellar.
He seemed over the top about coming off as super awesome and informative.
"I'm about to drop some serious knowledge on your asses in the next chapters - know about it."

That's what Jared Diamond sounds like in my head, he also may be like an Ice-T character on Law and Order.
If we want to get real, he actually looks like this:

Yep. I doubt that sassy devil would ever talk like Ice-T.
Ah well.








Moving on.
I had a blast just hanging out with people, we had a few last minute add on's to the group which was FANTASTIC and a nice collection of folks just hanging out, having some tasty pizza and a couple drinks, chatting about books, and funny things on the Internet.
This gem came up:
http://chickswithstevebuscemeyes.tumblr.com/

It is terrifying. And amazing. Please don't have bad dreams.

We even talked about the blog! Yes!
Next stop, viral. I can smell it.

For realsies though, I was doing another look-back and thought it was time again for a posterity posting:
CPBC has been in action since February 2010.
That warrants the bold/italic/underline trifecta right there.
Cray.

~ Guns, Germs and Steel
Melissa & Mark

~ Cat's Cradle
Rachel & Mike

~Angry Housewives Eating Bon Bons
Jess & Dave

~ Where'd you go, Bernadette?
Michelle

~Ender's Game
Mike

***2012***

~ Holiday Book Exchange
Anna & Heidi

~ Mortality
Shannon

~ A Dangerous Method
Melissa & Mark

~ Graveyard Book
Shannon

~Scott Pilgrim vs. the World
Anna & Heidi

~ Exchange Redux
Sarah & Ben

***2011***

~ Holiday Book Exchange
Mike

~ Zone One
Melissa & Mark

~ The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks
Shannon

~ Bonk
Anna & Heidi

~ Bossy Pants
Michelle

~ Left Neglected
Jess & Dave

~ Last Night at the Lobster
Heather

~ The Unit
Sarah

~ Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close
Shannon

***2010***

~ The Black Dahlia
Laura

~ The Fall
Melissa & Mark

~ Stiff
Anna & Heidi

~ Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy
Michelle

~ The Road
Jeff

~ Murder in Minnesota
Shannon

~ The Wind Up Bird Chronicle
Mike

~ The Strain
Melissa & Mark
(Inaugural - February 2010)


If anyone's keeping track, that's #27 right there.
Whoot!

I think if i recall correctly Libby offered to host next in September.
Anna and Heidi vouched for October
Shannon November
and Michelle offered to host the book exchange party in December!

Pretty succinct summary of the rest of the year, yikes!
Either way, fun times ahead.
Thanks for all the mammarys book club.

And since you need to keep a good relationship alive with honesty and gratitude:

In case I don't tell you enough, CPBC; I appreciate you.

Melizard, out.

The Cradle of the Cat

"I don't trust people who don't like animals"

A gem from last night, and undeniably true - at least for me.
Sorry but animal haters are people that go on to become serial killers.
Just saying.
Generalizations make things better sometimes.

Ahem.
Moving on.
Last night we had an intimate CPBC at Mike and Rachel's Hudson Palace.
It was glorious weather to be hanging out, eating grilled burgers and tasty snacks and beers.
We read Cat's Cradle by Kurt Vonnegut.
I have actually never read anything else by Vonnegut and I can say I was pleased. It was a good and interesting book, but he has a strange writing style, which I think we all agreed upon.
I was caught off guard by the plot and the ending quite honestly.
I've discovered that when I read things on a Kindle, without the tangible evidence of how much of the book is remaining, I get thrown by the ending quite frequently.

I think in this case it would have surprised me a bit in any format.
The plot is told in hindsight and the beginning, I thought, alluded to a long history when in fact the series of events was very short and abrupt.
To sum up, an inventor creates a way to freeze all water in the entire universe contagion style. It 'escapes' upon a visit to a small island where the narrator claims to be a convert to the local underground religion.
Thus the world ends and we have a small batch of survivors thrown together by chance, a tangled web or cat's cradle if you will.
Ta dahhh!
Anyway, at the beginning of the book the narrator makes it seem as though he has long been a practitioner of this island philosophy when in fact, it came about during this visit, in which the ice plague escaped and he has since never left.
Just different. Confusing. I really liked the way the author detailed the characters in the book.
The descriptions were different but gave a good impression of the person perhaps better than a normal physical description would have.
Who knows.
Anyway, it was vunderbar.
I'm ready for the next one. Mike offered to host but looking back at the minutes - this blog - it would appear he hosted only just in February!
Mark and I have not hosted in over a year so I might trump him if he is okay with that.
Gah, what to read, what to read!
Our last pick was an uber dud - Maybe it's Mark's turn to pick a zinger.
Alrighty.
Aside from the minor book chat, we spend the evening laughing at videos of fainting and screaming goats - which we have all decided we want - and images of terrifying creatures from the depths.
Food, drink and laughs with friends old and new, can't ask for a much better evening in my opinion.

As an aside, I am unbelievable happy and proud of the recent developments in equal rights but if I have to read or hear one more person refer to the SCOTUS, POTUS, or FLOTUS I just may stab someone in their VAROTUS - Vulnerable Ass Regions of the United States.

Just stop adding -OTUS to things.
Stop it!

Melizard, out.