I'm sure some of you were confused...

Well, you can finally relax, I have the answer.
So I was re-reading some old blog posts and came across this gem:

Ruminations

Ruminate reminds me of Rheumatism... so whenever someone says Ruminate, I think of asses.
Weird huh?

It didn't occur to me at the time, but looking back I realized Rheumatism is a pretty generic disease basically having nothing to do with peoples' posteriors and the only reason I associate it with such is because Maria from the Sound of Music sits on a pine cone, freaks out, and blames it on Rheumatism, forever solidifying in my mind the idea that Rheumatism was a sickness of the butt.
Thanks family Von Trapp for NOT clearing that up. How is a 6 year old supposed to know these things you Austrian bastards?!
If your thought process is anything like mine, well, I pity you first and foremost, but while writing this I instantly decided this would be an absolutely fabulous hemorrhoid commercial.

 First we have awareness and shame:
...
...

Okay, so apparently no one has ever in the history of the world Google'd Julie Andrews and Pine Cone before, but whatever.
You know the scene I am talking about.
She sits down. Gets impaled by a pine cone. She leaps up. Children laugh. Captain Von Trapp is less than amused. She blames Rheumatism. My future as a medical professional is ruined. Captain Von Trapp secretly starts falling in love with her. You know, that old routine.


Now... after the miracle 'RRhoidAway treatment, she is feeling much better!

Anyways. Sorry for confusing you and leaving you hanging all this time.
I know it's been keeping you up at night.

-MeliZard